gaile's Cancer Blog
November 18, 2008
| Finally... an update | Views: 219 |
Hello my dear friends.
Thank you all for your words of concern, support, and kindness. Thank you Celeni for pushing me to write. I said I would, then didn’t. So I will start with the latest.
I started on my new treatments. The bottom line is that this latest concoction is destroying my bone marrow, much more so than any of my previous treatments. After my first treatment last month I needed two units of blood as my red cells were wiped out. I was more exhausted than ever and very short of breath. But after the transfusions I felt GREAT! But I also had to be given a large dose of IV Lasix (a strong diuretic) as my legs and feet looked like Fred Flintstone’s. My whole body was very puffed up, I put on 12 pounds of fluid (retention). So my treatments were delayed a week while I was going through this.
The good news is my CEA (tumor marker) dropped from 3300 to 2875. Great news as my previous chemo treatments hadn’t worked at all. So, this month the chemo dosage was decreased. I had the same symptoms. So today I had my blood count checked, my red cells were low again but not quite enough to require a full transfusion. But I desperately need platelets. So, I got those this afternoon. I also have one of the worst Gemzar (one of my chemo drugs) rash anyone there has ever seen. So I am on treatment for that, which has helped a lot. My doc said that Monday (the Monday before T’giving), when my next treatment is due that I will have my dosage lowered again. I pray my CEA marker continues to decrease. I am so puffed up that I had to buy new sweat suits, who out grows their fat clothes?
I haven’t left my house for two months, or my bed or couch, except for doctor appts. It was so beautiful today, 75 degrees and the leaves were amazing. I also had to bring my dad to have his follow up appt. with my oncologist. Two months ago he had melanotic tumors removed from his arm. Last Friday he had one removed from his cheek. But now it seems he has metastasis to his hip. We know he has it in his lung and liver, but he now has a lymph node in his armpit, and new tumors in his arm. So next Wednesday (the day before T’giving) he will have a PET scan to check how bad the metastasis is. Our doc pulled me aside today and told me that he can’t have chemo as he has only one kidney and it’s function is so poor that if she gave him any chemo at all it could destroy his kidney. He doesn’t know this and the family decided not to tell him yet, as that will take his hope away. If he does have cancer in his hip he can have some low dose radiation. He has so much hip pain that he can’t walk at all. The radiation should help his pain by killing the tumor. He is 91. I’m sure it is his time, but this is all so hard on my mom and the rest of the family too. They have had to deal with my terminal status, and now his too. My mom is such an adorable and sweet little ol’ thing. Losing her daughter and husband is so hard on her. It really breaks my heart. So I am helping all I can. I am the only medical person in the family so they depend on me a lot for support and explanations. My almost 20 year old daughter has been the greatest and not only cares for me full time, but takes my parents (of course they are her grandparents) to doctor and dentist appts. She is a gem and we couldn’t do this without her. My brother had shoulder surgery so has been out of commission. I will be so glad when he heals as he is great and we are a good team. My daughter and I also had to take my mom to the cardiologist today. It is pretty constant around here.
I think my depression over the last few months came from being bedridden. It allows way too much time to think, and is just doggone boring! I couldn’t read as I would fall asleep, couldn’t watch TV, yup I’d just fall asleep. I have been upset as I haven’t been as available to my parents as I would be if I weren’t fighting this evil disease as well. I have always been there for everyone and it has given me such a sense of usefulness. They are very sweet and still appreciate all I do, but my phone never stops ringing for advice and explanations as I have a step family too (my dad is really my step-dad) and they are afraid of illness and hospitals so stay away as much as possible.
Anyway, I think I may be coming out of my depression, as my family needs me right now more than my pathetic self pity does. So I hope to have the strength and energy to get up every day. Next week could be rough after my treatment. I just hope I can do Thanksgiving with my family. This could be our last one all together. It could be important to everyone, except my son in Japan who is having some pretty serious fun.
I apologize again for waiting so long that this is too long, plus I do go on and on. But I guess it is just my style. So thank you all for once again sticking with me. Much love, and to those of you in the states, Happy Thanksgiving next week. Bless you all, Gaile
Thanks for your support -
As you have told me, no apologies! Everyone here knows about depression and physical weakness. We do worry, but just a “hey I am here” is enough until folks get well enough to update.
You are have been fighting a long time and I for one am proud of you. You have inspired and motivated so many of us and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Enjoy Thanksgiving. This will be our first holiday season without the Father In Law so I am sure it will be tough.
Be well and blessed.
Hugs
Mac
Thanks for the update. Good news that your markers are dropping and you are starting to feel better mentally. I heard something the other day that listening to music that makes you happy actually helps your heart. So grab an ipod and rock out. Sorry to hear about your dad.
I must tell you that I have never been depressed a day in my life until Cancer. We all understand what you are feeling. Cancer can steal so much from you if you let it. I have found that I have to force myself to be in control sometimes.
I hope you and your family have a peaceful holiday.
Much Love,
Sonia
Dear Gaile; Never ever apologize for writing long notes to us. I breathe every word of yours as it usually is important stuff and this time is no exception. Your decreased markers are something to shout about. How great and wonderful! Of course the other side effects must be aggrivating and it would set one back a little. The rash you mentioned, where is it, and why are you getting it? Does chemo really cause these things to happen? Isn’t the treatment enough already?? I know from so many here that these side effects do happen but my god, there has to be some antidote before they put you through such things!
Your daughter sounds so grounded and a gem of a gal to be so strong and helpful to you and her grandparents. I’m sure you would be at a loss without her by your side. As for your son, he reminds me of my own brother way back when. My mother was fighting the good fight, but she encouraged him to go to Germany for a year, after high school, before University. My parents had contacts there where he could work and live. Well he went and of course was sheltered from Mom’s great illness and upon his return, he was shocked and felt kind of left out of the picture. My mom was determined that he go and that was her decision. She never regretted it nor did my brother in the end. Boys will be boys, they never do well with illness, so it is better they get on with their lives and be comforting to their Moms when they can.
I’m so sorry about your Dad, this must be very stessful for all of you. Your Mom sounds much like you, very strong but as parents, we always worry about them, just our nature to. I pray that your markers continue to decrease and that your energy picks up for thanksgiving festivities. After all you need that hunger for all the great food, and yes if this is your last Thandsgiving as a whole family, it is important to make it one of the best. Are you holding it at your place or do you have a sibling that would be doing that for you?
By the way, don’t worry about resting, that is the one way you can build up your energy, as it does take a lot out of a person to go through treatment, side effects, the mental anguish and the apparent requirement of you to be NORMAL. Oh my life plays many tricks on all of us.
Just be yourself, and Gaile thaks so much for writing to us and keeping us aprised. You are always a constant supporter to so many of us, now it is our turn to do it for you. Love to you and HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Weezie
Gaile,
Great to hear your tumor marker is down. I know you know this, but you are a true fighter. As Mac was saying, I am also very proud of you. I am sorry to hear about your dad. It must be very difficult for you and also to worry about your mom. You have such a loving and amazing family that cares and loves each others. Have a great Thanksgiving holiday with your family.
Hugs,
Yuyu