gaile's Cancer Blog
September 3, 2008
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Well, I had my third dose of Taxotere on August 22nd. That day, before treatment, my tumor marker was still 3300. It has stayed there for all three treatments. But had jumped 2000 points in the 2 weeks prior to treatment. So at least it stopped climbing. I was hoping that it would start dropping. So depressing. I am still swelling up from it and get Fred Flinstone legs at the end of the day.
I had my second Gamma Knife Radiation last Thursday (the first time was a year ago July for three small brain tumors). This time I went in for one tumor and they found a new second one that hadn’t been there three weeks before. This is getting scary again. My abdominal pain is much less and that is a good sign.
My son leaves on Monday for 11 months to study abroad in Tokyo. My husband and I are flying with him to Honolulu on Saturday where he will meet up with his group of 13 other students to fly off to Japan. We will have 2 days with Bryan before he leaves, and two days after he leaves for me to try to recover. I am so afraid that I will never see him again. This trip is his life dream and I am so thrilled that he can go. We wouldn’t have been able to afford it if I weren’t terminally ill (early dispersal of part of my life insurance). So there is something to be thankful for. But since I have outlived my prognosis and things are not too encouraging right now… I am afraid. I am going to miss him so much. I can’t stop being sad, even though I am so happy for him.
I am starting my Bucket List at the end of September. My two best friends are taking me to Yosemite for a long weekend. We will stay in a heated cabin with a private bath. I am so excited. It will be beautiful. Then for our next trip we are going to Monterey, though I have been there a lot, it is beautiful, and the beach is something I love so much. Then we are going to the wine country to Napa which is so beautiful in the fall.
My husband doesn’t understand my wishes to do these things so my friends are taking me. He likes to hike and camp in the Sierra’s in Desolation Wilderness, all year round. He even builds snow caves to sleep in. Since he likes to sleep on the ground he told me that since I can’t sleep on the ground and he hates hotels he can’t see how he could take me to go to the places I have asked. He wouldn’t enjoy himself and would complain the whole time, therefore I would have a bad time. My friends are wonderful and we will have fun. If I am still able then we will go to Las Vegas. I love to play craps and my husband hates to gamble, so… friends again. My biggest wish is that I can be very well next February (a miracle for sure) then I would fly to Japan to visit my son. That is when his school break is and he is expected to stay in country.
I am praying for all of you each day. We all deserve more than this. But I am glad we have each other for support. Jill you are an angel for giving this gift to us all. Thank you so much. Gaile
Thanks for your support -
Go and do and experience everything you want to. I am starting to believe that cancer is very freeing. Cancer is freeing you from the foolish notion that you have forever to do things. Before cancer you would have thought about work and money and every silly thing in life. Now you are free to dance and laugh and cry and travel without the worries that maturity
brings. Persprective dear lady, perspective.
Perhaps one day we will see that cancer was not a curse, maybe we will understand that it is a blessing in that it allows us to focus on what matters.
So many things bring pain and suffering without giving an opportunity to turn and change. For the most part, cancer seems to allow us time to respond.
I pray you make your list and follow it. Explain to your husband that his reward is not in the trip but in the time he is being allowed with a gem such as you. I mean snuggling you has to beat the devil out of a snowcave…just my perception.
Be well my friend
Blessing
Mac
Hi, Gaile! Enjoy your travels with your friends! I’ll be praying for your trip in February.
XOXODear Gaile; First of all I am most curious how you got the spelling of your name? Never seen it spelled that way so I just wanted to know if it is a German, Irish or whatever, as I like the e at the end. Now, I have something to say about girlfriends. They are the best, the most giving and courageous people I know. I have that in my life so I can assure you, that you are making the right decision to be around upbeat loving girls like to do what you want to do. They are doing their best to keep you going, and having the time of your life. God bless them for being so true blue. You have come a long way since your posts of 6 months ago, as I have read them all. You have decided to take charge of your needs while still loving your husband in your own way. You now recognize his differences from you, and that you would only be causing him to behave in a way that might upset you, not your fault. It is those very diffences that make you a couple but now that you have your own personal journey to take, it should be yours that makes you happy. After all, it is cancer that makes us stronger and wiser even though we don’t want the cancer. It gives us the courage, at times, to make decisions that we wouldn’t do if it was the normal day to day life details. So this is a big step you have made, so be proud that you have wonderful friends who know what you need too. You are one very courageous person, who has shared a part of a life to us all. I know you would have wanted some things to have been different but that has passed and you now have new missions to accomplish. I hope you are able to see all those wonderous places, as a bucket list seems to have been a great inspiration to you and many others. I have not seen the movie yet but I guess I should. I look forward to your travel log to come. Weezie
Frim Gaile:
Thank you all! Talk about great supportive friends. Wow. Such wisdom. it means so much to me to have your input. Gaile