gaile's Cancer Blog
March 5, 2008
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My kids are indeed wonderful. But my husband is very unstable. He is around, and helps as best he can, but he is very high maintenance. He is the cause of most of my stress, and I hate when I consider that I may have gotten sick trying to deal with him and by holding the years of anxiety inside where the cancer cells were fed by this. I am trying to be thankful that he is present, and I look hard to find the positive… but his behavior reminds me everyday how miserable he makes me. I used to go to work every day and escape. But now I am home all day with him and feel trapped by the madness. I have way too much time to think about the mistakes I have made, like staying in this marriage for so long. I was getting ready to leave him right before I got sick. My entire family and all of my friends knew, as I was preparing them before I did it. Then I got the diagnosis, and never went back to work. And never told my husband. So here I am. Stuck, and feeling guilty.
06.22.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Gaile, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. You have to feel so trapped with everything you’re going through and to top it all off your disappointment in your husband. I have a friend who is going through the same thing and it awful for her, and like you she is trapped. Please try not to let (him) consume your every thought. Think of your beautiful children and spending time with them as much as possible. And, your Mom, I am so happy she is there for you! Can you go stay with her for awhile? Again I am so sorry. I am praying for you to have good days….Sue
Dear Gaile; Just read your sad story. If you can, try to find a group, and there are many to choose from, and go to it. That is a place you can call your sanctuary, where you can say how you feel without your children or husband hearing and knowing your thoughts. This will be one way to escape the closed in feeling that you have in your home. I agree with the last writer, see if you can stay with your Mom for a week to start off. Perhaps you can find a way to live without the misery of your partner weighing you down. If you feel he is the cause of your cancer, as you stated, then the last place you should be is around him. Easy to say but you have to do some of the hard work to releive yourself of this horrible stress you are under. You are not blocked in any way unless he has bolted you from the outside. It’s up to you now to take some control back regarding YOUR life. Also your anger about him only ignites like fuel and spreads the fire of dispair. YOu need every once of strenght to tackle this obstacle called cancer. I hope you make the right moves. God bless you and please get some help.
Louise from Canada eh
Gail, I read your email and it could have been me writing it before I got diagnosed. I don’t know your situation but I know about taking care of a husband with a headache let alone on chemo. I used to think it was all men are just babies when something happens in their lives that they can’t control. If your husband was already that way I’m sure he is really flipping on the control issue now because cancer doesn’t care what he thinks, he can’t just get mad and it will back off. I found so much love after my diagnosis and their strength helped me get better. Now it is as if you have been dared to get better so you can follow through with your life. You can get peace in your heart by continuing to live knowing you have a plan for the future, I promise that will help you deal with this, now you even have any excuse to “rest” and not have the strength to “talk”. I hope I have helped in some way, I applaude you for your courage and will be here if you ever need to vent. simply sharron
Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me.
Gail – as if you didn’t have enough to deal with the cancer. That is tough. I agree with Sue though. Focus on YOU. Try if you can not to let him get to you. I know it is easier said than done. We are here with you and care about you a ton!